DOGE, FBI Payroll Hack: The Big Balls Coristine Story

The "Big Balls" Scandal: How Two Young Operatives Gained Unprecedented Access to Sensitive US Government Data **Imagine this:** A 19-year-old with the online handle "Big Balls" gains access to the payroll data of half a million federal employees, including FBI agents. Sounds like a spy thriller, right? It happened. And this is the shocking true story. A Midnight Run on America's Secrets In early February 2017, Edward "Big Balls" Coristine and Donald Park, operatives for Elon Musk's controversial "Department of Government Efficiency" (DOGE), were granted virtually unlimited access to sensitive US government systems. This unprecedented access, never before reported, has raised serious questions about national security and data privacy. Want to know how they pulled it off? Read on. This isn't just another government scandal; it's a story of breathtaking speed, questionable authority, and potentially devastating consequences. We'll uncover the details based on hundreds of pages of documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request.
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The Five-Hour Heist: Unlocking the Federal Fortress Within a mere five hours of requesting access, Coristine and Park, a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu enthusiast and private equity investor respectively, were handed the keys to the kingdom. Their target: the Small Business Administration (SBA) and, astonishingly, the National Finance Center (NFC). The NFC? This USDA-based behemoth handles payroll for over 650,000 federal employees across 170 agencies—including the DOJ, DHS, and the FBI. Think Social Security numbers, banking details, addresses—the works. All within reach of these two young operatives. The Urgent Emails: A Cascade of Compromises Emails obtained by WIRED paint a picture of frantic urgency. Stephen Kucharski, director of the SBA's Office of Performance Systems Management, sent a flurry of emails demanding immediate access for Coristine and Park. The subject line of one email screamed: "URGENT REQUEST FROM SBA!" The request wasn't for a small peek; they were demanding *admin* access to everything.
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What was the justification? The emails offer only a flimsy explanation: the need to access HR and contracting systems. But was that the *real* reason? We'll delve deeper. Unlimited Access: A Nightmare Scenario The NFC, normally meticulous about access control, seemingly threw caution to the wind. Within hours, Coristine and Park had access to the NFC mainframe, Insight (detailed employment records), and the Reporting Center (payroll data). One IT manager even requested "admin authority" for them. Imagine the potential damage! Their access included sensitive employee information like salary, banking details, addresses, deductions, and debts. The Unanswered Questions: A Looming Threat The speed and scope of their access shocked experts. Don Moynihan, a professor of public policy at the University of Michigan, voiced serious concerns, highlighting the lack of standard security clearances and background checks. Did these operatives undergo any vetting? Did they have a nefarious purpose? These are questions that remain unanswered. Oversight Democrats are demanding answers, but the White House remains silent.
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The story doesn't end there. We'll explore the additional access granted to other DOGE operatives, the potential for data breaches, and the lingering questions about the true motive behind this alarming episode. Stay tuned for the next chapter in this unfolding scandal. The stakes? The security of America's sensitive data.

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